Daily Meditation: May 7th, 2012
“Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?”
― Mary Manin Morrissey
I’ve had one foot on the brakes for quite some time. In fact, I’ve even acknowledged that one foot is on the brakes and have been gently sliding my foot from that brake for over three years now, ever since I left the adult industry. Once I realized that I was self-sabotaging my relationships and participating in destructive behavior that reenacted the trauma(s) of my life, it became less about being down on myself for making poor decisions and more about finding healthy ways to live. Recovery is about finding a way to take my foot off the brakes so I can move on with life.
I don’t know if it’s the shame based nature of my inner struggle that keeps me in a place where slowing down progress feels natural, or no progress feels deserved…whatever it is, I wish to move through and beyond that place. I wish for the willingness to “refuse to entertain [my] old pain.” My therapist Jill says that everyone has a delicious energy pie, and that we give out slices of delicious energy to each and every person we meet. When we give out too many pieces of pie, we don’t have any for ourselves. I wish to refrain from giving my delicious energy pie to people who no longer – and perhaps never did – deserve it.
“I am no longer afraid.”
“I am safe and loved.”
“I am ready to move forward, whole and complete.”
Surviving and Healing 
Jennie … to maintain balance we must both Give AND Receive. If we do more of one than the other we get out of balance and we suffer. Find your balance. And yes you are safe and loved. Mr Man, your friends, family, even the strangers such as myself on here will always send you love and harmony. Go move forward!
Besides, I’m sure there’s still a box somewhere that needs unpacking! 🙂
It takes so much energy to heal. As is constantly brought home to me, I have NONE to waste. So…no more endless chances, no matter how well-intentioned the loved one.